Fiction
A Beautiful and Everlasting Moment of Pleasure
It’s Las Vegas, because of course it is. This is where the pleasure lives, but just around the corner always. Here is where the pleasure is circulating, but always away from you like a waiter on the casino floor.
Gushers
“I get why they call them gushers now,” he said as he watched me red-handed, blood collecting carefully in the cup of my palms like I was trying to keep something alive in there.
Key Change
Buddy drives and I ride shotgun. We ride in a ramshackle van with busted fenders and peeling paint, the kind of vehicle that inspires parents to hold their kids tight when it staggers too close on the street.
Facewine Culture
It’s Thursday the best day and the weekend lies before us flirtatious and coy toying with the edge of its skirt, ready to reveal anything.
Humor
I Hadn’t Prepared Any Remarks
My word, this is just—this is just such a surprise. Hand to God, I didn’t prepare at all for this. Not a lick. I even had a moment last night where I was like: “Should I prepare something just in case? Like, on the off-off-off chance that I win?” But I dismissed the thought almost immediately. It was getting late and I was still a little bit drunk from the afternoon and I thought—no bullshit here, I really thought this—I thought: “Who’s going to give me an award? Little old hapless, goofy, off-beat moi? Never in a million years.”
The Daily Jed, Episode 117: Entering the Snakepit
You’ve been calling, you’ve been emailing, you’ve been texting and tweeting, you’ve been sending coded messages in chemtrails and billboards, you’ve been entering my dreams during REM sleep and whispering threats in my ear in ancient untranslatable languages—and we here at the pod have been listening.
The Voice of AHOY
The voice is simultaneously bold and casual, like a friend who’s just a hair too deep into their second martini, and to hear it rattling around my skull without preamble leaves me feeling almost vertiginous — but then again, it’s a little funnier than that.
Partially Naked Came the Corpse, Pt. 11
It couldn’t be escaped: as the Blonde stood over the apparently quite human corpse of one Beau Toledo as it was being brutally dismembered by a surprisingly coordinated collaboration of robots, she considered that she might just be the most obtuse flaxen-haired individual at the All-Star Annually Convening Cozy Detectives Club after all.
